6.7.04 [ ] 0 comments 
Additives
What am I addicted to? Cigarettes. Definitely, "I could quit at anytime"; this phrase is uttered so frequently without anyone really realizing how true it is - and yet how untrue. For, I have made many resolutions to give up cancer sticks, but I am always drawn to that "just one more". And, I don't even think that it's the nicotine; nicorrette or a nicotine patch would do nothing for me, I would still crave that oral fixation (which is not sated by knowing on a lollipop or the end of a pencil or a nipple or another's tongue).
No, I have even felt the craving whilst in the arms of a lover. There is supposed to be nothing more rewarding than that. But, upon sexual satiation in the throng of sticky sweat, I feel the need.
It is an escape, all addictions are some form of escape but the cigarette is most dramatically so. Everyone who smokes is aware that cigarettes are a causal factor in an early death. It is almost unironic that cancer and heart disease are inevitable; a person lights a cigarette to escape whatever unbearable circumstance they find themselves in (work, screaming kids, the general awefullness of living). So, it is almost suiting that they bring a person closer to the ultimate escape: death.
But why? It seldom starts out that way; I have yet to meet someone who picks up a cigarette thinking "life is worthless, I crave an end", then lights up one of those socially acceptable forms of suicide.
Is it peer pressure; is it a desire to fit in, to be like your favorite movie star? I was fascinated by my friends' smoking habits, I wanted to try it, just as I had wanted to try everything at that point.
The first cigarette made me irrevocably ill. I had spent three hours on the floor of the washroom in Boston Pizza's, vomiting uncontrollably while the world spun around me. And yet, later I tried another. And, after several tries, it no longer made me sick; it was, indeed, almost comforting and relaxing.
I didn't consider myself a smoker until I had my first cigarette alone. I was writing an essay for my English 101 class, and became completely flustered and thoughtless. A late night in a sleeping household: I went outside for some air and was struck by an urge to have a cigarette ... It was great. The writer's block had been banished by what my friends would later call "thought sticks".
And so it had begun, I labeled myself as a smoker and experimented with many ways to apply my newfound vice. My friend, Kris, a veteran smoker was willing to offer many suggestions: "try a smoke after, there is nothing more satisfying"; "a cigarette after sex is a godsend"; "smoke one to kill some time while waiting for the bus"; "they're great with beer or coffee"; and, "you haven't smoked pot until you've had an 'after toke smoke' ".
And gradually, I had worked myself up to a pack a day. I had conditioned myself to use a cigarette as a replacement for any intrinsically rewarding activity. So much that smoking had become a reward in and of itself; so much that i could train myself for other activities (such as accomplishing study or workout goals) by using a cigarette as a reinforcer, only three months after I had tried them.
So, it was a lot of work to develop this addiction, it had taken intense training and now I am able to smoke at will and have it be instantly rewarding. Yay for me. I can only imagine that not smoking requires the same dedication and effort that start smoking required; have to retrain and extinguish the cigarrette as a reinforcer.
However, it has become difficult, I have smoked so much, that my normal bodily drives ("I need to pee"; "I'm hungry"; "I'm tired"; "I'm bored"; "I'm horny"; etc) are interpreted as a craving for a cigarette. Moreover, I have made myself unable to tell what it really is that my body demands.
Then there is the other side. Apparently, nicotine is a more potent neurotransmitter than dopamine (which is require for all basic movements). That is, a brain is more ready to accept nicotine than the naturally bodily produced transmitter. As a result of frequent smoking, a person's body produces far less dopamine than is normally required for basic movement, relying on nicotine instead. It has been said that a person 'suffering' from nicotine withdrawal does not have enough neurotransmitter to function properly as s/he is not producing enough dopamine. It takes a while for the body to change its hormone levels and recommence dopamine production. Thus, the abstaining smoker may experience a few days worth of orneriness and fatigue.
So, there are two very strong factors at play in a cigarette addiction: the 'psychological' factor and the 'chemical' factor. And, it seems the only way to overcome is a little willpower and some dedication ... Which is more difficult than one might think. For, this are the ingredients to overcome anything,, and there is still a lot of apathy and frustration in this world; so its not just me who is going to light up another cigarette when I am done writing. No, you are going to do the moral equivalent sometime today as well.
So, rather than close with a brilliant conclusion and a thesis that solves the world's problems, I will invite you to consider addiction as an allegory and I give you a challenge (not a beating on chest kind of challenge, but a challenge for you to meet): cure it. Ink-shell. Give your thoughts and mumblings without censorship. There is no single solution to any paradigm, there is no paradigm that is completely alien to any other.
What am I addicted to? Cigarettes. Definitely, "I could quit at anytime"; this phrase is uttered so frequently without anyone really realizing how true it is - and yet how untrue. For, I have made many resolutions to give up cancer sticks, but I am always drawn to that "just one more". And, I don't even think that it's the nicotine; nicorrette or a nicotine patch would do nothing for me, I would still crave that oral fixation (which is not sated by knowing on a lollipop or the end of a pencil or a nipple or another's tongue).
No, I have even felt the craving whilst in the arms of a lover. There is supposed to be nothing more rewarding than that. But, upon sexual satiation in the throng of sticky sweat, I feel the need.
It is an escape, all addictions are some form of escape but the cigarette is most dramatically so. Everyone who smokes is aware that cigarettes are a causal factor in an early death. It is almost unironic that cancer and heart disease are inevitable; a person lights a cigarette to escape whatever unbearable circumstance they find themselves in (work, screaming kids, the general awefullness of living). So, it is almost suiting that they bring a person closer to the ultimate escape: death.
But why? It seldom starts out that way; I have yet to meet someone who picks up a cigarette thinking "life is worthless, I crave an end", then lights up one of those socially acceptable forms of suicide.
Is it peer pressure; is it a desire to fit in, to be like your favorite movie star? I was fascinated by my friends' smoking habits, I wanted to try it, just as I had wanted to try everything at that point.
The first cigarette made me irrevocably ill. I had spent three hours on the floor of the washroom in Boston Pizza's, vomiting uncontrollably while the world spun around me. And yet, later I tried another. And, after several tries, it no longer made me sick; it was, indeed, almost comforting and relaxing.
I didn't consider myself a smoker until I had my first cigarette alone. I was writing an essay for my English 101 class, and became completely flustered and thoughtless. A late night in a sleeping household: I went outside for some air and was struck by an urge to have a cigarette ... It was great. The writer's block had been banished by what my friends would later call "thought sticks".
And so it had begun, I labeled myself as a smoker and experimented with many ways to apply my newfound vice. My friend, Kris, a veteran smoker was willing to offer many suggestions: "try a smoke after, there is nothing more satisfying"; "a cigarette after sex is a godsend"; "smoke one to kill some time while waiting for the bus"; "they're great with beer or coffee"; and, "you haven't smoked pot until you've had an 'after toke smoke' ".
And gradually, I had worked myself up to a pack a day. I had conditioned myself to use a cigarette as a replacement for any intrinsically rewarding activity. So much that smoking had become a reward in and of itself; so much that i could train myself for other activities (such as accomplishing study or workout goals) by using a cigarette as a reinforcer, only three months after I had tried them.
So, it was a lot of work to develop this addiction, it had taken intense training and now I am able to smoke at will and have it be instantly rewarding. Yay for me. I can only imagine that not smoking requires the same dedication and effort that start smoking required; have to retrain and extinguish the cigarrette as a reinforcer.
However, it has become difficult, I have smoked so much, that my normal bodily drives ("I need to pee"; "I'm hungry"; "I'm tired"; "I'm bored"; "I'm horny"; etc) are interpreted as a craving for a cigarette. Moreover, I have made myself unable to tell what it really is that my body demands.
Then there is the other side. Apparently, nicotine is a more potent neurotransmitter than dopamine (which is require for all basic movements). That is, a brain is more ready to accept nicotine than the naturally bodily produced transmitter. As a result of frequent smoking, a person's body produces far less dopamine than is normally required for basic movement, relying on nicotine instead. It has been said that a person 'suffering' from nicotine withdrawal does not have enough neurotransmitter to function properly as s/he is not producing enough dopamine. It takes a while for the body to change its hormone levels and recommence dopamine production. Thus, the abstaining smoker may experience a few days worth of orneriness and fatigue.
So, there are two very strong factors at play in a cigarette addiction: the 'psychological' factor and the 'chemical' factor. And, it seems the only way to overcome is a little willpower and some dedication ... Which is more difficult than one might think. For, this are the ingredients to overcome anything,, and there is still a lot of apathy and frustration in this world; so its not just me who is going to light up another cigarette when I am done writing. No, you are going to do the moral equivalent sometime today as well.
So, rather than close with a brilliant conclusion and a thesis that solves the world's problems, I will invite you to consider addiction as an allegory and I give you a challenge (not a beating on chest kind of challenge, but a challenge for you to meet): cure it. Ink-shell. Give your thoughts and mumblings without censorship. There is no single solution to any paradigm, there is no paradigm that is completely alien to any other.
Post a Comment