19.6.04 [ ] 7 comments 
The following was written whilest completely stoned (it seems I am even more boring under the influence of illicit drugs):
I broke a vow today. This one was relativly important to me; I smoked some pot. It had been a year and a half since I had last smoked pot and I had a vow to never do so again; I had wanted to make a clear clean brake an lead a better life - be a better person, more motivated, firmly aware.
However, tonight, I pretty much invited myself to a part of people from the old days; it was hidiously awkward - we just didn't have anything in common anymore. On the other hand, I could use it as an analysis of human markets: I managed to sell a freezer, I am teching three people how to golf. But, otherwise, the general activity of drinking and shouting and smokin' up. And, no one looks at things in the same way I do; no one wants to think critically or debate; people just want to tell stories and enjoy the rush of controlled substances.
Although, I did meet three other "losers": Duncan is also motivated by efficiency and we have agreed to compete each other to see who can have the highest fiscal net worth (with money as an index of comparison for all other goods, maximizing its value under a given set of circumstance is part of my formal education; while to Duncan, it simply comes naturally); Peter and I both shared an interest in linguistics (him speaking a fluent Polish, with a formal education in english; apparently, Polish has the same verb differientation to subject as french does, however, they congugate tense by modifying the noun). Jon is a proffesional bodybuilder and delights in setting goals, then working towards them; Courteny is involved in the electronic music scene, intends to become a social studies teacher and is looking forward to having childeren.
But, it seems like it limits my options; you can only choose one lifestyle. This dictates everything else. If you like to party every night, this means that you have no time to: play with finances, learn languages, go to the gym. or even raise a family. It seem that if one were to want to excell at anything, one would have to divote his/her life to it. And I make a childish lament: but I want to do everything! I want to try it all! but you can't.
There is a limited amount of time in a persons life; there are some things that can be done at certain metnal and physical ages (which, by the way, as soon as you turn 18, IQ and mental age is no longer applicable: you're an adult, there is nothing to compare against; what? one might have the mental age of a 50 year old, bu that doesn't mean more rational or more competent [a fifty-year-old has only one thing in superior to anyone else: experience]).
So, I must maximize on the payout of my choices; I fear that income is a factor in tbese choices: I want to guarantee job security, this would cost 40% of my time (assuming thtat I end up with a job that i don't like, in which going to work brings no satisfaction thatn the pay that it earns - which is an unrealistic assumptions since, in any workplace, you might find that a communty and a sense of worth is bestowed, significantly increasing your quality of life). That means that I am willing to spend fourty percent of my week providing for housing and food and transportation and entertainement and whatever, so that I might spend the other 60% of my time (including sleep) however I please. Aside:P I might have to consider sleep as a necessity, thereby consiming another 30% of miy time, leaving 30% for extra consumption. So, a risk-averse (conservative) person might devote 4/7 of there time to profitless activity to ensure maximum choice for the remaining 3/7 (but, I havn't considered yet the time cost of eating, transport, family-time, grooming, flirting, reading, and chatiing that might also be extranious. And, it works out that already, there is not enough time to go around - which means, already, some items need to ber cut.
An tbat would be a motivator to become a proffesional: a doctor or a lawyer or an accountant, or an economist (or even non-proffesionally, a writer). Under these occupations, a person might be able to devote only 30% of their time to earning an income, giving an extra 1/7 of available time (in the case of an established proffesional, at the top of his game, one might also predict an early retirement, I believe that magic number for a guaranteed $66K payout every year (at R=1992; that is, corrected for inflation based on the CPI) is $3M - leaving no inheritance for childeren [in wich case the magic number without eroding the principal is $15M, which is worth less with inheretance tax by half, so why not make it $30M]).
The other option in direct opposition to a proffesional choice is, of course, the money apathetic option: here one might choose to persue risky ventures (such as a musical performer or a sports player or a day trader or a newspaper reporter or any other highly competitive industry [arguably, however, the proffesional sector is competitive, but I believe that this is in a different manner - though requiring no less dedication to training]).
And yet, this entire analysis neglects one important factor: pot gets you high. As in, it transferes you to a different wavelength, a different mode of thihkming. Largely, it is influenced by environmental cues as to what stream and style of thught will be its byproduct. One sees things from a different perspective and see different kinds of relationships between things; this can be benificial or detrimental. For, you might be granted an new insight into a problem. However, you run the risk of seeing relationships that are a poor reprasentation of actuality and this will result in judgement errors. Also, as was the case with me, you might find the euphoria of s different state of being so enjoyable that you ceased to be productive (the amoticational factor).
And now, I feel the pressure of the short term, I must sleep, do my laundry, wash my motorbike, shower, read the paper, cancel one of my double-bookings tomorrow night, pick up Fraser for ten and hand out flyers at the Farmer's market, write six emails, arrange to have T-shirt for Ashley made at Octopus, confirm the sale of a freezer, coordinate some golf plans, schedule next week after my work schedule, make an appointement with Ashley, record a track with Tomak, work for eight hours, and I have been looking forward to going running .. I almost wish i could cut sleep off the list (however, that only works in the very short term as the body rebels after some time).
And the body does rebel. Despite the most loftily ambitious plans and the throngs that vie for a piece of my livelihood, I feel the draw of the great equalizer; with, of course, the great fear: you know you've worked too much when you dream of being at work - and trust me, waking up from a laborious day in dreams only to face another one waking is exhausting.
I broke a vow today. This one was relativly important to me; I smoked some pot. It had been a year and a half since I had last smoked pot and I had a vow to never do so again; I had wanted to make a clear clean brake an lead a better life - be a better person, more motivated, firmly aware.
However, tonight, I pretty much invited myself to a part of people from the old days; it was hidiously awkward - we just didn't have anything in common anymore. On the other hand, I could use it as an analysis of human markets: I managed to sell a freezer, I am teching three people how to golf. But, otherwise, the general activity of drinking and shouting and smokin' up. And, no one looks at things in the same way I do; no one wants to think critically or debate; people just want to tell stories and enjoy the rush of controlled substances.
Although, I did meet three other "losers": Duncan is also motivated by efficiency and we have agreed to compete each other to see who can have the highest fiscal net worth (with money as an index of comparison for all other goods, maximizing its value under a given set of circumstance is part of my formal education; while to Duncan, it simply comes naturally); Peter and I both shared an interest in linguistics (him speaking a fluent Polish, with a formal education in english; apparently, Polish has the same verb differientation to subject as french does, however, they congugate tense by modifying the noun). Jon is a proffesional bodybuilder and delights in setting goals, then working towards them; Courteny is involved in the electronic music scene, intends to become a social studies teacher and is looking forward to having childeren.
But, it seems like it limits my options; you can only choose one lifestyle. This dictates everything else. If you like to party every night, this means that you have no time to: play with finances, learn languages, go to the gym. or even raise a family. It seem that if one were to want to excell at anything, one would have to divote his/her life to it. And I make a childish lament: but I want to do everything! I want to try it all! but you can't.
There is a limited amount of time in a persons life; there are some things that can be done at certain metnal and physical ages (which, by the way, as soon as you turn 18, IQ and mental age is no longer applicable: you're an adult, there is nothing to compare against; what? one might have the mental age of a 50 year old, bu that doesn't mean more rational or more competent [a fifty-year-old has only one thing in superior to anyone else: experience]).
So, I must maximize on the payout of my choices; I fear that income is a factor in tbese choices: I want to guarantee job security, this would cost 40% of my time (assuming thtat I end up with a job that i don't like, in which going to work brings no satisfaction thatn the pay that it earns - which is an unrealistic assumptions since, in any workplace, you might find that a communty and a sense of worth is bestowed, significantly increasing your quality of life). That means that I am willing to spend fourty percent of my week providing for housing and food and transportation and entertainement and whatever, so that I might spend the other 60% of my time (including sleep) however I please. Aside:P I might have to consider sleep as a necessity, thereby consiming another 30% of miy time, leaving 30% for extra consumption. So, a risk-averse (conservative) person might devote 4/7 of there time to profitless activity to ensure maximum choice for the remaining 3/7 (but, I havn't considered yet the time cost of eating, transport, family-time, grooming, flirting, reading, and chatiing that might also be extranious. And, it works out that already, there is not enough time to go around - which means, already, some items need to ber cut.
An tbat would be a motivator to become a proffesional: a doctor or a lawyer or an accountant, or an economist (or even non-proffesionally, a writer). Under these occupations, a person might be able to devote only 30% of their time to earning an income, giving an extra 1/7 of available time (in the case of an established proffesional, at the top of his game, one might also predict an early retirement, I believe that magic number for a guaranteed $66K payout every year (at R=1992; that is, corrected for inflation based on the CPI) is $3M - leaving no inheritance for childeren [in wich case the magic number without eroding the principal is $15M, which is worth less with inheretance tax by half, so why not make it $30M]).
The other option in direct opposition to a proffesional choice is, of course, the money apathetic option: here one might choose to persue risky ventures (such as a musical performer or a sports player or a day trader or a newspaper reporter or any other highly competitive industry [arguably, however, the proffesional sector is competitive, but I believe that this is in a different manner - though requiring no less dedication to training]).
And yet, this entire analysis neglects one important factor: pot gets you high. As in, it transferes you to a different wavelength, a different mode of thihkming. Largely, it is influenced by environmental cues as to what stream and style of thught will be its byproduct. One sees things from a different perspective and see different kinds of relationships between things; this can be benificial or detrimental. For, you might be granted an new insight into a problem. However, you run the risk of seeing relationships that are a poor reprasentation of actuality and this will result in judgement errors. Also, as was the case with me, you might find the euphoria of s different state of being so enjoyable that you ceased to be productive (the amoticational factor).
And now, I feel the pressure of the short term, I must sleep, do my laundry, wash my motorbike, shower, read the paper, cancel one of my double-bookings tomorrow night, pick up Fraser for ten and hand out flyers at the Farmer's market, write six emails, arrange to have T-shirt for Ashley made at Octopus, confirm the sale of a freezer, coordinate some golf plans, schedule next week after my work schedule, make an appointement with Ashley, record a track with Tomak, work for eight hours, and I have been looking forward to going running .. I almost wish i could cut sleep off the list (however, that only works in the very short term as the body rebels after some time).
And the body does rebel. Despite the most loftily ambitious plans and the throngs that vie for a piece of my livelihood, I feel the draw of the great equalizer; with, of course, the great fear: you know you've worked too much when you dream of being at work - and trust me, waking up from a laborious day in dreams only to face another one waking is exhausting.
but i will say, weed lets those create juices go doesn't it? nothing wrong with that.
And, I am a hunter-gatherer, we all are; just not in such a traditional way.
But then, having a society of such people, you might find that they would work together, perhaps even trade the things that they had come a cross - gasp, even maybe specialed their roles (one person hunts, while another makes clothing, or whatever).
No matter how far back you take the system, it will move in the same direction.
And besides, I like to play guitar and piano, and to paint, and to go to museums, and to read, and to go to movies, and to drive motorbikes: none of thesse activities would be possible under a needs-based society, none of these things would even be known; in short, I am actually quite content with a liberal-democracy, if only because it gives me the leisure to enjoy the fruits of experssion.
However, nostalgia is deadly, the work of revolutionaries (who may, or course, have success in changing things - this is not because they really seek change, this is because they enjoy the activity of "changing things".
Don't take me too harshly, though. i like to go camping,; needs based activity is a pleasant escape from modern life occasionnaly. However, it is my gut feeling that one must take the current state of affairs as given: either find something redeeming in the current world, or change things; but it must be the here and now that one finds refuge in.
I'm reading a very interesting book by Daniel Quinn called, "Beyond Civilization". It discusses our refusal to abandon the civilization we've created, despite the fact that it no longer works for us and how it will ultimately lead to our collapse unless we change our way of living a bit. It focuses on the consumption and wastefulness of mankind, particularly in the United States, the epitome of all that is damaging to the earth, ourselves and ironically, the pinnacle of what we consider civilization.
I suppose thats why we've bestowed it upon ourselves to label other countries "third world", because it's a pity that aren't lucky enough to have corporate conglomerates and a free market quite like ours. I imagine those third world peoples live just as, if not more satisfied with themselves then we do (Americans).
We live with the mentality that we need more stuff, so we work all day to be able to buy more stuff. Yes, more stuff, or trash better yet because that's where it will eventually end up. In the trash and in the landfills. As if they're not full enough.
All the ideas in that book are a little radical, but maybe that's what we need. Some new and radical ideas. Just a little food for thought.
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